Thursday, January 12, 2012

All I Need to Know I Learned in a Coffee Shop

I have to admit it:  I like Starbucks.  Not because it's the best coffee, but because it's the most readily available high-end coffee place.  No matter where you are, you can find one.  It's the "WalMart" of the coffee industry; however, you sometimes have to take what you can get.

But, if I have the opportunity, I look around for more "community-oriented" coffee place.  I'm a big fan of Coffee Underground in Greenville, SC and Gigi's in Inman.  Just before Christmas, I discovered The Coffee Bar in downtown Spartanburg (Main Street, right across from the Herald-Journal and next to Hub City Book Shop).  Oh, and if you're interested, Cakehead Bake Shop is right inside as well.

I love finding little, home-grown, out of the way places to write, read, or--on a rare occasion--think.  No offense to the corporate bully or my other small-market favorites, but I'm pretty anonymous at The Coffee Bar.  It's fairly quiet and I have yet to run into anyone I know; therefore, it's the perfect place to work!

A couple of days before our family's annual holiday road trip to Pittsburgh, I was sitting at a table, drinking some hardcore caffeine concoction and trying to finish up my pre-holiday work.  I wasn't getting much accomplished because I kept getting drawn in by the conversations happening around me.

People were talking about all kinds of things (obviously), but religion and relationships seemed to be the dominant topic.  A member of the Unitarian church was talking about why he loved his church and why it appealed to him.  A young lady was discussing how her mistakes were costing her friendships, and she did not know what to do to make amends and change her life.  Another group was discussing things that they loved about Christ, but frustrated them about Christianity.

I was fascinated.  I even got drawn into one of the conversations for a while, before retreating back to my headphones and my work (naturally I got nothing else accomplished).  As I sat there, I began to wonder what was so fascinating about the conversation in the coffee shop.

Then it hit me.  None of those conversations would ever occur inside the walls of a typical Baptist church.

Why is it that the one place where we should feel safe enough to be open, honest, sincere, and vulnerable is the last place where we are any of those things?  Why do people feel more at ease over lattes than they do in a place where we hope they sense the presence of God?

Quite simply, coffee shops create safe space for conversation and exploration.  Churches do not.  Coffee shops have small couches, circled chairs and small tables.  Churches have columns and rows.  Over coffee, you talk.  At church, you hear "lessons" and take just enough time for hand-shaking and small talk before you are ordered back to whatever comes next in the bulletin.

If there is one thing that students need, it's a place where they can feel safe.  And not just safe from the world, but safe to say what's really on their heart and mind.  Without honesty and sincerity, there is little hope for revelation and change.  Students need the chance to get beyond the Children's Illustrated Bible and get into the real questions and curiosities that are weighing on their minds.

If you want to know why students abandon the church in college, here it is:  They leave a place where thinking is forbidden (the church) and enter a space where it is demanded (college/real world).

Perhaps it's time that we got further from the confinement of rows and columns, and got out into the world where we can engage in listening and conversation.  Even better, perhaps we need to create the safe space that we need for that to happen within the Body of Christ.

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